Derailing from last weeks look at the mind and social interaction, I've decided to break off from such matters until they become more problematic (or at least until Raffi and Rhian stop reading these blogs >_>).
A more realistic and ultimately useful topic would be the future, and all associated considerations. The accumulated weight of the oncoming seconds of life demand some attention sooner or later, so I may as well see what I think. On top of that, I'm bored on this ever-so-active 2:00 Sunday morn.
Immediately I am struck by an age old problem; knowing what the hell the future actually is. Prediction and fortune telling has degraded itself over time to a state of fairground farce, but that said it was never at a particularly high level of prestige to begin with. This is likely because of closer consideration to what people want to hear, as opposed to probability, observed circumstance and known facts. As I tenuously dip my toe in the icy waters of uncertainty once more, it occurs to me that "The Future" is a smidgeon too vague to build any decent account of what I am trying to find out. As such, I should probably divide this matter slightly. A quick breakdown gives me:
Career (education should probably be bunded here)
Life (Loool, obscurity)
Health
Going in that order, seems to be the easiest method for maximum comprehension.
In matters of career and academic matters I think my personal future is plain sailing until University where the seas become darker, the winds harsher and I encounter a series of islands which, when viewed from the sky, would likely spell "Here there be monsters". In a more in depth analysis GCSEs appear to be going well from an internal perspective, and A levels are set to be, whilst more challenging, at least not impossible. University represents, to me, the first major milestone of complexity and difficult matters, and, if I follow medicine as my career as planned, five long gruelling years (more than my complete time at Lutto College). However, I have a hunch that after that final hurdle the Secretary of Education has set up for me, before lurching back to his horribly clichéd castle shrouded in a permanent tempest, clear sailing resumes. I can begin the competitive clamber up the promotion ladder like so many mindless drones before and alongside me. If I were to speak in terms of goals in this matter, I would say that, through medicine, I would like to achieve a high wage, as well as the knowledge I'm helping people for a living. Call me a paradoxically soppy cynic, but it just gives me a warm mushy feeling to solve someone else's problem. Oh, and the Dr. title of course, because mushy feelings aside, there's nothing sweeter than the postman having to acknowledge your superiority over your neighbours.
From an impersonal perspective, career and educational futures appear to be a trickier topic. It is much easier to see one's own future, than try and divine the future actions, desires and abilities of another. This is probably a matter of what is inherently clear from one perspective, yet obscure and distorted from another. Looking at my own mind, at how I know things, as opposed to what I know, I can see a build up of long term intentions over time that have remained so steadfast they have 'become' goals and targets. Perhaps I am also becoming hypocritically arrogant, if I am so sure of myself in some of these goals that I'm not as worried as I suspect I should be, but if I am then being proven wrong will be punishment enough to snap me back to the straight and narrow. On a similar note, perhaps I am blinded by my own opinions and thoughts to see the truth, completing the impossible sliding puzzle of the future. Since I am unable to be sure of these matters, it would appear the best option is merely to... do my best. Unhelpful, vague and leaves me with the irritating notion that I just wasted half an hour following in depth thought processes to arrive at what any clown could come up with in twenty seconds. However, at least I can believe my version.
Matters of life are a bit trickier, as if the first was not hard enough. It would help if I were to outline this topic a bit more, I suppose. By 'Life' I mean relationships, standard of living, passtimes and friends. It occurs to me that these are a diverse range of concepts and considerations, so I better get cracking if I want to wake up before noon tomorrow. In terms of relationships I think I can with some confidence that I haven't a clue. What is not mindnumbing confusing is a negative certainty. On the one hand, I'm fairly certain I'm a highly awkward person whom no one can really connect with, but on the other, people have assured me that something will come along, and that things will be fine. It doesn't really help that everyone who has said this to me has had 'some' sort of highly painful emotional rollercoaster in the time I've known them alone, but at the same time these are always preceded or followed by something going right, which I'm yet to actually see happening any time soon. Is it this attitude that is proving itself right? Or is it just a matter of waiting for circumstances? I think this is becoming too broad a topic, and I want to avoid offshoots within posts. Therefore, I'll set it aside for later, settling for the certainty I've had for a while that nothing's going to happen in that area for a while yet. Standard of living is a much more longterm topic I can get my teeth into. Assuming I can amass some sort of savings to last me through university, I should be home and dry in this matter with my choice of high-input, high-output career path. That said, I'm concious that however confident/arrogant I become, I can never be certain of anything which has not yet occured. As such, I feel it necessary at this point to admit to myself that I have no plan, financially, to support my current lifestyle should something go wrong. As such, I feel it equally necessary to either formulate a plan, or alter my lifestyle. Neither can easily be done at three o'clock in the morning, so I'll set this aside too as something to consider. Passtimes of the future are another collection of ideas yet to come to pass. I feel drawn to play the "It's in the future, so who knows?" card because I feel angry at myself for doing so so many times so far anyway. I began this post thinking I could at least put something toward solving the mysteries of the future, and by damn I'm going to give it a decent ponder. If I were to look at my current passtimes I can see that I spend most of my time using something electronic, when working or at play, and that games become a predominant of my time. (Make of that what you will, I invited no one to read these blogs and see no reason to trouble myself with making a new account purely to maintain a privacy I would no doubt not really need anyway.) This is a consistent aspect of my life as far back as I can coherently remember, so I'm fairly certain that this will remain so unless some major event jolts me out of it, or, indeed, if life simply becomes too active to accommodate much more than work. I have to say this saddens me somewhat, but I reconcile in the knowledge it is a necessary step. In any case, both work and play will no doubt revolutionise themselves by the time I enter the workforce (and again by the time I reach oap status), so maybe no real consideration is needed there. I am fairly happy in my nerdy little world, and will no doubt at least play the puzzles page of the newspaper on the train or something. The future can be as pedantic as it likes, I know myself well enough to know I will always like puzzles. Friends in the future is a topic I've been squirming to avoid. My current group of friends is by far the best I've had so far in my blip of time on the planet, by such a large margin that the older generations of my friends become ... nothing. And this is what scares me about myself. If I am to cast myself to my 10 year old self, into the still forming mind in which I possess an upgraded model, as it were, I can see my friends of the time being the best I'd ever had ever. Yet now, they've drifted away, some of those that I counted as the closest even hate me, and I'm at a complete loss as to why (ah, well, that's not completely true, I suspect it's to do with what social labels they attached themselves to, and what opinions those labels in general have on me in my odd little ways (hint: most of them don't really like me :])). The point is, no matter how much I love my friends, the future threatens to rip them from me and transform them into strangers whilst my back is turned. However, before I was ignorant and innocent. Now, I am more scarred with the batterings of life, more mature, and armed with the knowledge of the past mistakes which lost me old friends. With this, I can make an effort to not lose what I have, even as they get further away. Whether or not I actually achieve this is down to the future's tiresome unpredictability, but I sure as hell have a better chance of safeguarding these guys from alienisation than the last group.
And this group is better anyway :] They're awesome.
Right, now, on the home stretch, I look towards health in the future. At present, I wouldn't say I was 'un'-healthy, but I'm far from the iconic pinnacle of what is apparently the best course of action. I am not ashamed to say that I don't really see any point becoming extremely healthy. A lot of illness is luck of the draw, so all that I can really do to any real effect is avoid the illnesses which 'can' be avoided and hope for the best. That said, hoping for the best has saved no one, and I am sure I will at some point have to contend with my own mortal coil at some stage. Since this is a matter which becomes increasingly likely as I stroll down the path of life, I notice that I really should try to enjoy life as it is as much as I can. Another clichéd piece of advice, I'm afraid, but again at least I can see the logic of it more clearly now. As such, I should probably avoid long term investments of quality of life (translation: Don't try to endure a tricky patch for a long amount of time to get to a better patch). Besides avoiding the threat of unhealthiness, I can see no real predictions to make at this stage, but can only hope fore the best.
Bah. I'm disappointed with this entry. I seem to be discussing how matters affect me personally more than the matters themselves, which, whilst useful as a method of scanning for metaphorical landmines, is not why I made the blog. I am taking it as an early blip on my self-scanning radar for arrogance and self-centred-ism, so if anyone who actually knows about this blog has read this far, give me a good slap next time you see me.
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Sunday, 22 March 2009
The Psyche, and Interaction
In a following pondering to the last blog, I feel compelled to think of how the mind must work, and whether this can be used to any useful end. More specifically, the human mind in a social context.
It occurs to me that to really analyse this, I need some sort of structure to adhere my thoughts to. A skeleton of subjects to which the flesh of debate can be applied, as it were, to create the final product. From an early skimming of this notion, I can briefly come up with thoughts about others, actions toward others, interpretation of others and self interpretation.
Starting at the very beginning (very best place to start, yada yada), I can only really observe the thoughts within my own mind about others. As far as I can conciously deduce, I can see no real pattern, although I note that I seem to derive most thoughts of others from conversation. I can think of no real "enemies" to find an underlying factor in, but looking back on things I dislike I suppose I could say I am annoyed by arrogance. This, under minor consultation with others, seems to be a near enough a blanket opinion among most, if not all, people. However, I can think of at least one example where blind arrogance does not deny a healthy social background. What occurs here? Is something being done besides arrogance to suppress the hate-inducing effect? Or is it closer related to an action by the observer of the arrogance? If the first, what is it? If the latter, what makes this example so different to first to cause this to come into play? I am more inclined to a mix of both of these possibilities, to which neither involved role would be aware. However, I think despite a lack of awareness of actions to others, and the influence these actions have on others' thoughts of thyself, I think some things are learnt over time. Perhaps this learning is the difference between the first example and the second. The second has found a method of suppressing the blind arrogance, causing others to be more forgiving of it, has subconciously noticed that this action causes this result and has proceeded to repeat this action indefinitely, more a sort of maintenance than repair. This, whilst interesting, is not an aspect I am concerned with currently, and so will investigate further at a later date.
I can see no correlation between the interpretations I take of others and the interpretations I take of myself. Clearly, a coherant understanding of the self is much easier than that of another. One's own mind is much easier to navigate, for one. However, I am drawn away from this obvious conclusion. Surely there must be a way to find the thoughts of another? Earlier, I saw an advert for a programme wherein the character was able to derive people's thoughts, feelings and subconcious from physical outlook. I am skeptical of this, but cannot deny some involvement of physical actions in the accurate deduction of anothers thoughts. I am convinced that the thoughts of another can be found in a much easier way, in the same way that I am sure of what I think of something instinctively without having to analyse my mind or observe my own movements. This is perhaps a bad example, as movements and physcial appearance should only really be a barometer of the mood of someone, as opposed to a book which can be read, especially of one's own thoughts. This is a topic which would be useful, yet maddeningly is the one which is hardest to crack. I could liken it to the age-old allegory of opening a box with the crowbar within it. I must find the answer in order to figure out how to find it.
Something to think about on the move, I suppose, as opposed to a mental nut which just needs to be cracked.
It occurs to me that to really analyse this, I need some sort of structure to adhere my thoughts to. A skeleton of subjects to which the flesh of debate can be applied, as it were, to create the final product. From an early skimming of this notion, I can briefly come up with thoughts about others, actions toward others, interpretation of others and self interpretation.
Starting at the very beginning (very best place to start, yada yada), I can only really observe the thoughts within my own mind about others. As far as I can conciously deduce, I can see no real pattern, although I note that I seem to derive most thoughts of others from conversation. I can think of no real "enemies" to find an underlying factor in, but looking back on things I dislike I suppose I could say I am annoyed by arrogance. This, under minor consultation with others, seems to be a near enough a blanket opinion among most, if not all, people. However, I can think of at least one example where blind arrogance does not deny a healthy social background. What occurs here? Is something being done besides arrogance to suppress the hate-inducing effect? Or is it closer related to an action by the observer of the arrogance? If the first, what is it? If the latter, what makes this example so different to first to cause this to come into play? I am more inclined to a mix of both of these possibilities, to which neither involved role would be aware. However, I think despite a lack of awareness of actions to others, and the influence these actions have on others' thoughts of thyself, I think some things are learnt over time. Perhaps this learning is the difference between the first example and the second. The second has found a method of suppressing the blind arrogance, causing others to be more forgiving of it, has subconciously noticed that this action causes this result and has proceeded to repeat this action indefinitely, more a sort of maintenance than repair. This, whilst interesting, is not an aspect I am concerned with currently, and so will investigate further at a later date.
I can see no correlation between the interpretations I take of others and the interpretations I take of myself. Clearly, a coherant understanding of the self is much easier than that of another. One's own mind is much easier to navigate, for one. However, I am drawn away from this obvious conclusion. Surely there must be a way to find the thoughts of another? Earlier, I saw an advert for a programme wherein the character was able to derive people's thoughts, feelings and subconcious from physical outlook. I am skeptical of this, but cannot deny some involvement of physical actions in the accurate deduction of anothers thoughts. I am convinced that the thoughts of another can be found in a much easier way, in the same way that I am sure of what I think of something instinctively without having to analyse my mind or observe my own movements. This is perhaps a bad example, as movements and physcial appearance should only really be a barometer of the mood of someone, as opposed to a book which can be read, especially of one's own thoughts. This is a topic which would be useful, yet maddeningly is the one which is hardest to crack. I could liken it to the age-old allegory of opening a box with the crowbar within it. I must find the answer in order to figure out how to find it.
Something to think about on the move, I suppose, as opposed to a mental nut which just needs to be cracked.
Saturday, 21 March 2009
Day One -- Confuddlement and Constraints of the mind
Hallo World of Blogging! I've heard good things about you, so you're going to at least be a mildly useful internet phenomenon.
I'm at a loss, however, as to what I intend to gain from this. Insight, perhaps, or a chain of thought I can tug at. In addition to this, I'm clueless as to go about doing whatever I had in mind here, so I'll just wing it with a few topics over a couple of weeks and see what comes to mind.
Confusion is a topic I've been mulling over lately. A state in which you're deprived of information, or wherein the information you think you possess doesn't add up. Above anything, I find this kind of situation most irksome. How can you think through that which you do not know? I liken it in my mind to rowing a boat with a single paddle. Without complete set of correct information, you end up going in circles, falling off the watefall, hitting the passing bird, smashing your spine on the rocks below, and, in your dying moments, pondering how far is "too far" to push a metaphor.
What can only make such a situation worse, is if you have suspicions as to the missing pieces of the puzzle, but the edges are fuzzy and faded, and could more or less be completely wrong. Or worse, correct. An interesting question at this point would be; is an assumed idea of the future worth acting on? I am torn, at this point. On the one hand, it is within human nature to constantly try and predict and prepare for a future event. On the other, if preparation for one outcome has direct consequences on the other, what is the correct course of action? I am drawn to trying to keep all options clear, and I would think myself right in thinking that that decision would be the logical, safe choice. However, I can't help but feel that the choice presents an oppurtunity to which I would be a fool not to jump at, despite the threat of suspicions proving themselves right.
That said, it's probably important to look back on past confusions, to look for a method of resolving current and future ones. As far as I can recall, I've never really actively solved a state in which I find myself with insufficient knowledge. I seem to only be able to call to mind events wherein answers present themselves, or I just discard the situation as difficult. From that, I can only think of myself as... well, lazy and incapable. Surely there is a method to finding a solution. Logical deduction is all I can turn to, since my good pals paranoia and irrational jumps to conclusions seem to be giggling behind my back. So, problem one; are suspicions correct? Does it matter? What is the most appealing final outcome? How can it be achieved? What would be the negative outcomes of that?
Hmm.
I'm at a loss, however, as to what I intend to gain from this. Insight, perhaps, or a chain of thought I can tug at. In addition to this, I'm clueless as to go about doing whatever I had in mind here, so I'll just wing it with a few topics over a couple of weeks and see what comes to mind.
Confusion is a topic I've been mulling over lately. A state in which you're deprived of information, or wherein the information you think you possess doesn't add up. Above anything, I find this kind of situation most irksome. How can you think through that which you do not know? I liken it in my mind to rowing a boat with a single paddle. Without complete set of correct information, you end up going in circles, falling off the watefall, hitting the passing bird, smashing your spine on the rocks below, and, in your dying moments, pondering how far is "too far" to push a metaphor.
What can only make such a situation worse, is if you have suspicions as to the missing pieces of the puzzle, but the edges are fuzzy and faded, and could more or less be completely wrong. Or worse, correct. An interesting question at this point would be; is an assumed idea of the future worth acting on? I am torn, at this point. On the one hand, it is within human nature to constantly try and predict and prepare for a future event. On the other, if preparation for one outcome has direct consequences on the other, what is the correct course of action? I am drawn to trying to keep all options clear, and I would think myself right in thinking that that decision would be the logical, safe choice. However, I can't help but feel that the choice presents an oppurtunity to which I would be a fool not to jump at, despite the threat of suspicions proving themselves right.
That said, it's probably important to look back on past confusions, to look for a method of resolving current and future ones. As far as I can recall, I've never really actively solved a state in which I find myself with insufficient knowledge. I seem to only be able to call to mind events wherein answers present themselves, or I just discard the situation as difficult. From that, I can only think of myself as... well, lazy and incapable. Surely there is a method to finding a solution. Logical deduction is all I can turn to, since my good pals paranoia and irrational jumps to conclusions seem to be giggling behind my back. So, problem one; are suspicions correct? Does it matter? What is the most appealing final outcome? How can it be achieved? What would be the negative outcomes of that?
Hmm.
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