Internal Analysis; Flaws and the Faults of the Self

Several things come to mind in the creation of this post; that it's been a while since I last made a proper post on here, that I need to take the mind off of things and that an at least passing look of my character is probably needed soon in any case.

Every character is flawed in some way. This is an inevitability which becomes apparent to all, whether they admit to it, or, indeed, realise it. I do not mean this in terms of shortcomings in ability. That is merely the representation of the characteristics of the character, and not necessarily flawed in essence. For example, since one person is better at a particular mental or physical contest is not a show of a flaw of the loser or an advantage of the loser, in terms of character. As I write this though, my thoughts become clouded over the exact definition, at least, from my perspective. Ergo, it would be a good idea to discern what I actually consider a flaw in character at all.

To begin with, "flaw" is probably one of the worse words to describe what I mean. My choice of it is probably, ironically, derived from my own arbitrary designation of what I consider a "flaw", an act of defining I, as a character and therefore inherently flawed myself, am not entitled to make anyway, but nevertheless, I must work with what I have or advancement is less likely. Getting to the point; I see the collective "Goal", if you will, of a group of people is to use each other as a form of exercising and developing our characters in such a way that we gain a character which "gets on" with other characters. In this way, friends allow us to interact with other people of similar characters to your friends, and thus advance further in society. In a sense, I can envisage it as almost a sort of... lock and key arrangement. If you're friends with a person of a certain character, and get on with them via the group of friends, then you attain the "Key" to that personality in the form of your character changing against the mould of the friend. With the key, or changed shape and nature of character from the interaction with the friend, you are able to interact with people of a similar personality (or people with the "Lock" shape personality corresponding to the personality you just got a "Key" from) easier. This explanation is so full of holes, of course, it's effectively the world's most philosophical slice of leerdammer, and it's a cruel and mechanical way of portaying good friendships which do of course mean so much more, but it's the best way I can think of verbalising the thoughts in my head (This may seem entirely off topic, but I'm getting there). To this extent, I derive a "Flaw" in a personality. If a personality develops in such a way that it does not fulfill the "Goal" and it instead drives itself away from certain character types, then it is not fulfilling the "Goal" and has thus developed a flaw. Again, I stress the point at this stage that the terminology I'm using here is neither accurate or in any way official. It is merely the best way I can find of saying what I am thinking. So ultimately, what I describe as a "Flaw" in a character; a characteristic which causes a rift between a friend, thus breaking from the "Goal" of the friendship.

Getting to the point of the post, I feel the need to analyse my flaws if I am to successfully develop my character to the best of its potential. I'm probably the worst person to make this judgement from the obvious bias, but the only people I trust to make the judgement probably wouldn't be entirely honest with me, I suspect. The key question between me and a diagnosis is clear; How do I find my flaws? Some are quite obvious from a simple look back on the average day, for example my inherent awkwardness around certain situations, or a tendency to turn the other cheek, but others are perhaps not so visible from my angle. What is the ideal method to find these flaws? How can they be corrected? Self-improvement is an ideal aspiration, but the route to finding those hidden from me is a tricky conundrum. A logical, if unorthodox, method comes to mind. Since the flaws I know of are things I am concious of and think of myself as having, the ones I don't know of are bound to be ones I don't think myself as having. A quick skim over my psyche reveals nothing, but that's only to be expected. Perhaps I'm looking at it the wrong way. Should I be inspecting my own personality for traits I see as abrasive? That seems logical, yet at the same time I can see it being inconclusive if something I don't find annoying annoys someone else. Arrogance is the main attribute I find repulsive. When a person actively attempts to instil an image of themselves being above others seems petty and childish to me, and if anything else woefully ironic because it instinctively makes me disassociate them with whatever they are being arrogant about. Am I arrogant? I wouldn't like to think so, but then again, that's the point; an arrogant person wouldn't. No times in which I've displayed this trait spring to mind, but perhaps I'm not seeing what is there. Another trait that I find to grind my gears is cruelty and lying about things that matter. I suppose sometimes I do the first, which I can work on a bit, so at least something can be gained from this post, but I don't think I ever lie about things I deem important, and that can be discerned a bit more easily than detecting arrogance. I suspect I'm getting caught in a bit of a loop here. Trying to find that which I, being me, can't see, seems mildly pointless. An ideal solution where I can solve the problem would be to take all the attributes I see as negative and work at voiding them from my actions as much as possible.

Is this conclusive? I suppose not really. But it seems... necessary to make the effort, for the sake of my own conscience.

I suspect things will work out fine, given time.